It seems silly to me now, but the whole thing was triggered by a statement that was part of a survey I had to complete for class. It was a very good survey and an awesome assignment, but while I was taking it, I started thinking very deeply. And not in a positive way. The statement looked like this this:
I am the most important person in someone else's life
Very Like Me Like Me Neutral Unlike Me Very Unlike Me
As with most questions on the survey, I gave a decent amount of thought to it before I checked the radio button next to it. "Unlike me" is the one I checked. I didn't put that there because I was being pitiful. I think it was--and still is--the right answer. My friends love their families more than me. Each of my family members has someone they love more than me--a spouse, children, parents, etc. Even my parents--as they should--love each other more than they love me.
After I answered that question, I moved on and continued to finish my survey. The next day, however, I couldn't stop thinking about that statement. It didn't help that I felt completely separated from all friends and family. I just didn't have the time to really interact with anyone. It was a rough, busy, home-work filled day, and the next day was even worse.
I felt so tired, so sick, and so alone. There's nothing like a single, college lifestyle to magnify any sad or lonely feelings you have. I woke up to get ready for work, and decided that, more than anything, I needed to go to the temple. I donned a skirt and blouse and headed off to work unsmiling. When I got there, I had four hours to myself to work. Usually, during that time, I listen to music as a work, but I didn't want any of that.
I went to lds.org and in the search bar at the top, I typed in "loneliness holland." Elder Holland is my favorite apostle, and I wanted to listen to every talk he had ever given to, for, or about people who were lonely. It was a good thing to do. I felt very comforted. I still wasn't happy, but I wasn't on the verge of tears anymore.
After work, I went to my only class of the day--Women's Chorus. Usually, the girls who aren't feeling well sit on the stage in front of the choir instead of singing. I decided I wasn't feeling well enough, so that's where I went. When Sister A. came in to start class, she walked up to me, put her hand on my shoulder and asked how I was doing.
I have always been amazed at how in-tune Sister A. is to the needs of her choir. There are almost 200 of us, and I have always felt like each of us meant more to her than simply just a girl in the choir.
Class started, and I began fighting with myself whether I should stay for all of Women's Chorus or whether I should leave early. Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have permission to leave at 3:30 to get to another class--one that was cancelled that day. 3:35 hit, and I decided that if I hadn't left already, I wasn't going to. Our grad student started to lead a run-through of Loch Lomond, and Sister A.--though she had been helping lead up to that point--stepped back to let the grad student lead the piece. She then came up to me, and quietly rested her hand on my shoulder.
That one gesture meant so much to me. I had been looking down at the music in my lap, and tears came to my eyes as I listened to Women's Chorus sing Loch Lomond. That little gesture of care and concern helped me even more.
Then I went to the temple. There are many times when I am grateful the Provo Temple is so busy. In other temples, you don't always get to sit in the temple for such a long time while waiting to do baptisms. I waited and thought and read and prayed, and I felt less and less sad as more bits of knowledge were recalled in my mind.
I remembered that everyone on this earth should love someone more than I. Everyone should love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ more than they love me, and I don't want that to change in anyone--even a spouse. The two hours I spent in the temple helped me to remember that even if no one is with me, I am never alone. I have the constant companionship of the Spirit. I have a Father in Heaven who loves me, and who watches over me in every hour. No matter how sad, lonely, or miserable I get, I have a Savior who has suffered more so that He can give me comfort.
https://www.lds.org/media-library/images/prayer?lang=eng&start=71&end=80
